Sometimes I feel like.. somebody's watching me

So, I'm on facebook right, and I came across a few people posting in their statuses that Facebook has everyone's phone numbers listed under contacts under the "edit friends" tab in account settings.

The first time I saw a status like this I ignored it. The second time I saw it, I did the same thing.. I mean, come on, I figured this was just another facebook rumor running rampant. I suspected that facebook was simply publishing the phone numbers of those who had POSTED their numbers.

Then I saw this status for the third time. This time from someone I respected. Someone I knew would not just take internet rumor and run with it, so I investigated it. I found my entire Blackberry phone book on facebook. This list included people I'd already added, people I didn't add just yet and some people that didn't even have facebook.

Obviously, this was more than just a compilation of facebook friends who put a little too much info out there. Now, I am a smartphone carrier and I admit, I spend a good portion of my day buried in my phone social network-ing, but just because I used my phone to access everyone on facebook, that DOES NOT mean I want everyone on facebook to have access to my phone or phone number.

What really bothers me even more is that I'm pretty sure this is a new development in facebook. While I did have a facebook app at one point, I got tired of the constant flow of notifications and got rid of it weeks ago. So what I'm wondering is at what point did facebook burrow its way into my phone and take all my contacts? and do they still have access? and what else have they taken a peek at while they were there? pictures? text messages?

No matter how much I share on my social media sites, in the end I still value my privacy. I don't want Zuckerberg thinking that just because I post a photo and a status or two he can have it all.Facebook is quickly becoming the creepy guy with a mirror under his shoelaces trying to look up my skirt..

Facebook, I am not a fan. I feel exposed. I feel watched.

Facebook is getting creepy guys..

As it Turns Out, There is Most Definitely Sunshine When She's Gone

So I have been MIA for the last couple months, stopping in every once in while to check in and let you all know what's going on. I would apologize for disappearing but I've been busy living! Not to mention I have this internship at a magazine this summer and it requires me to do quite a bit of writing so recreational writing has sadly become a casualty of my professional writing career. (sn: can I consider it a writing "career" if I do it for free? sigh.. the life of a student journalist)

Anywhoo, here I am sitting in my room staring at my hair trying to figure out what I want to do it. As my hair gets longer, my old go-to styles are not working like they used to and my hair is becoming more and more time consuming.

I decided to write this because I just remembered a while back when a friend of mine tweeted that girls with natural hair are lazy/cheap because they just don't want to spend the time and money to get a perm..

Now clearly he does not know my struggle!

This natural hair thing is no walk in the park (and no sigh of relief to the bank account for that matter)! Not to mention the time it takes to wash, detangle, and style! And we do that in the down time we have between answering questions like "I mean seriously, don't you think you'd look better with a perm?"

What? No I don't think I'd look better.. If I did, I'd have a perm! And trust me, I know I look good. After all aren't you here right now trying to hit on me.. natural hair and all..

Back to the hair. I've always been natural. I hate giving people advice on how to care for their hair because all I can tell you is what works for me. It may not work for you at all.

I've gone through fazes where I had a little puff pony tail everyday, to flat ironing on a daily, to dying it red, cutting it off and growing it again then dying it again. I know MY hair not anyone elses.. now only if I knew what I wanted it to look like it the morning... back to youtube..

SN: this was really just a random train of thought to let you all know I'm still breathing lol

A letter to the brokenhearted..

I don't claim to be an expert in this love game by any means. I can only speak on what I know and what I've experienced for myself. I haven't really blogged in a while, not because I had nothing to say but more because I had nothing that I absolutely had to share with the entire world. Nothing that was so important, it couldn't be expressed in 140 characters or less. But today I do.

Honestly, life has been good for the last few months and a part of me wishes I had shared a little more of the good with you. But hey, what can you do..

I saw an ex-boyfriend today. Now I use the term "boyfriend" loosely just to save us both a little time and aggravation as I try to explain our dynamic. Anyhoo, I  saw an ex today. This is only the second time I've seen him since our last huge fight which happened on Valentine's Day ironically.

Before this year I had never really had an amazing Valentine's but I never really had a bad one either. I'll save you the dirty details, even though I'm sure you'd love to know them, and just say it wasn't a good day.

Right now, I'm in the process of trying to figure out how to get over someone. I know it can be done but I cant quite get used to this person who had once been on the short list of truly important people in my life becoming nobody to me.

It's like good things are less exciting because this other person is no longer there to celebrate with me and bad things are worse because he's not there to make me feel better. Maybe that's why I haven't been blogging. I've always been a realistic person. I know that a bad day is not the end of the world and I know this isn't the end all, be all of men. I also know he had some major flaws that made it inevitable for us to part ways but that doesn't make me miss him less.

I share this because the number of women that I know who have felt exactly what I'm feeling or will feel what I'm feeling is endless and sometimes it's nice to know you're not alone. Sometimes it's nice to know that no matter how much another woman may look like everything is ok and everything is perfectly together, some guy has broken her heart. And if that has never happened to her, that means she has never truely loved anyone, and at the risk of sounding cliche, I'd say that's worse than the heartbreak. Think about it, would you give up every good thing that has every happened between the two of you just to save yourself this moment right now? I wouldn't.

Like I said before, I'm not an expert but I'll share one small piece of advice. Ignoring the issue doesn't help. Pretending to be ok will not ever be equivalent to actually being ok. Even if you trick yourself into believing it, at some point something will happen to prove to you that you have not gotten past it. For me, it was the first time I saw him again. It happened two months after we ended things. Two whole months of silence, and rarely a second thought. Then he walked into my job, unexpected, and just like that I completely fell apart. I started to cry.

I had envisioned what it would be like when we say each other again. Always thought I'd look great, feel great and have one of my signature sarcastic remarks ready to prove that I was perfectly fine if not better without him. Instead I there I was in a Popeye's uniform, hair pulled back under a visor and I could barely speak. I didn't even look him in the eye. I felt weak.

Since then I changed my tactics, I don't ignore how I feel anymore. I remember the good and the bad. I allow myself to miss him. I allow myself to think about him. I allow myself to let go naturally and it's working. I saw him again today. I wasn't happy but there were no tears. I'm truly letting go and it feels good.

Desi

"Rediscovering the Erotic"

For the last few months, I have been thinking about moving abroad after I graduate from college and since I came back form my spring break trip to Jamaica, the idea has gone from something I think might be "fun" and has become something I must do, something I must experience.

I have talked about this need to move and travel and get out of America to a few of my friends and a couple strangers. Some of them understand and some don't. I have been looking for a way to explain what is becoming a burning desire within me and no matter how I tried I just couldn't find the words to really get others to see why I wanted to go or why going to Jamaica made me want to move to London even more until I came across an article while browsing through Clutch Magazine.

In the article, the writer described travel in a sense I never thought of -- the "erotic".

This erotic she's talking about is not to be confused with western pornographic connotations, where we think of sex with no emotion-- the act without the feeling. The erotic she is talking about has everything to do with emotion and feeling and being aware of everything around you, not just in sex but in every aspect of life. It's about a kind of openness that many of us never feel because we refuse to leave our comfort zones even for a short period.

This is what I felt in Jamaica.

I went to Jamaica when I was a kid but this is my first real adult experience with travel. I felt such a sense of freedom while I was there. Not just because I was on vacation but because I was so open to the people, the food, the culture -- everything.

The last time I went, it was just to visit family and I was an uninterested 16-year-old. This time, at 22, I enjoyed my time like you wouldn't imagine. I didn't let fear get in the way of experience. I can't swim, but I threw on a life jacket and hopped on a jet ski for the first time. It was amazing! The guy who owned it told me it could go to 60 mph so I was determined to hit 60. I made it go to 63, and felt so free and powerful all at once. It was amazing.

I laid on the beach, I drank daiquiris and pina coladas, and whatever fruity drinks I could find, I ate things I can't find in Tallahassee, I went out, I danced with strangers and I let go of everything that burdens me in Tallahassee and experienced my erotic -- a self love and self awareness that I rarely get the time to think about here. And every day I was told that I was beautiful. It was wonderful.

I am a creative spirit. I like being able to be spontaneous, but I think my spontaneity has become a casualty of my college experience and random failed relationships, where routine eventually stifles my personality. I don't even write poetry anymore!

I'm sad because I know I have missed out on so many friendship and opportunities to meet and know people because I chose working over living. That is something I want to change if at all possible in my last year in college. I want to be open to new things and new people. I want to do what I want, when I want -- not just on that half day a week I get off work. 

I don't even know if you can really understand what I'm saying here unless you have traveled and have gotten the chance to really feel what I felt but it's a feeling like no other. Before I went to Jamaica someone that was very important to me disappeared from my everyday and I was in a sad place but the happiness I felt in Jamaica brought me back. It was like I forgot I could feel like that and now that I have been reminded I want that kind of happiness forever and always.

I don't know if it's necessary to go abroad to feel like this but that's where I felt it and that's where I plan to seek it again.

Surrounded by the unfamiliar, I think, may just be the best place for me to get to know myself and rediscover my erotic.

 -Desi.

The Ketchup Nazis

It's always exciting when the head honchos from the Popeye's corporate offices down in Miami send out memos telling us to change random policies. Although we'll probably only follow what's in the memo for about two weeks before we go back to the old way of running things, our general manager always makes a big show out of reading the memo out loud, as if we can't manage to read the five sentences typed in 16 font ourselves, and making us all sign it.

Most of these memos are centered around anti-cell phone policies and need to be passed out pretty often since after a month of working with my general manager most people would rather risk homelessness than come to work one more day. I usually try to avoid signing these things (especially the anti-cellphone ones since I know good and well that I intend to use my cell phone every chance I get).

The most recent one however has by far been the funniest and most unnecessary one I have ever seen. The people in the corporate office have taken another step in their attempt to make working at Popeye's into rocket science. We are no longer allowed to offer customers condiments. However they are available upon request.

Now, if the memo would have stopped there this would have been no biggie -- but it didn't. According to this memo, we need to ask the customer how many of each condiment they need and in the event they ask for a "handful" of honey, give them one per biscuit. There will be no estimating! Then to make things that must more complicated, I decided to screw with my general manger and play a little game of what if.

"What if they ask for 12 packs of honey but only have 4 biscuits, is it ok to give them 12?"
"What if they order a small fry and ask for a handful of ketchup? How many fries do they have to have per pack of ketchup we give?"
"What if they ask for a handful of grape jelly and a handful of honey, but only ordered 2 biscuits? Should we give them 2 of each or just one of each?"
"What if they ask for a handful of hot sauce? How many packs do they get per piece of chicken they order?"

What made things funnier is that the GM took all these questions very seriously and considered them for a long time, asking others for their opinions and giving me seriously answering me. I was thoroughly entertained.

Going to work at Popeye's everyday feels like an episode of Seinfeld sometimes and now corporate is trying turn us all into the fast food equivalent of the soup nazi.. NO KETCHUP FOR YOU!! lol

-Desi

sn: don't sleep on Seinfeld.. Hilarious show. anyhoo, I think I'll go find something to drink because, "These pretzels are making me thirsty!"

How to Lose a Girl in 10 Days..

I know it's been a while but I'm back and I figured I'd tell you guys what happened with "the guy who reads".

To make a long story short, things didn't work out. But I know you want to know what happened so I'll tell you all about it.

Now I will say that while I am not impossible to please, I have high expectations. I will let the little things slide further down the road but you should not be making mistakes in the first week of meeting me or any girl you could possibly take seriously for that matter. I'm not saying you have to be perfect but if I learn all your flaws before I can find your redeeming qualities, I wont be around long.

So here's what happened:

I gave the guy my number. He did not call for 3 days.. now this is not something I've experienced before. I will say that is partly because I usually know the guys I talk to on this level for a while before numbers are ever exchanged but even the few that I have met randomly usually call or text or something by the next day. This rubbed me the wrong way.. I don't like feeling insecure so he was already not on my good side.. and then he made things worse..

Three days after getting my number he sends me a text message, at 11:16 pm.. not good. He starts this inappropriately late (since he's still a stranger and all) conversation with these profound words: "u wrk @ popeyes."

Now at this point, I didn't even have his number so I'm confused. I ask who he is (since he didn't bother to introduce himself) he says its him with a straight faced smiley as if I should have guessed (and I say this to him and he confirms that's exactly what he thought). Then he makes a major mistake, he forgot my name. I still don't know how since he did the whole "like Desiree's Baby" thing but he asked: "wats ur name" and I decided it was time to get rid of the guy who reads..

Now if you're reading this and you think I'm being too harsh, remember I've only know this guy a couple days and he met me at work (where I wear a name tag!) and I told him my name again when I gave him my number and now he's texting me at midnight asking me my name? I'm not going for it. This is like foreshadowing of what I'd have to look forward to.

So this was my response: "You don't remember my name? Not a good look.Not to mention, for our first convo ever, you txt me during booty call hours days after you get my number.. Honestly we wouldn't work."

and that was the end of the "guy who reads"

Free at Last.. Free at Last.

I disappeared for a little bit, but it was crunch time and I had some loose ends to tie up before I could sit down and come back to you guys.. BUT the semester is over and I'm finished with finals (Thank God!!) so I'm coming back! GET EXCITED!!

He's a Reader?.. I'm Down.. :)

So there's this guy.

Now I meet guys, people in general really, all the time. There are very few guys who are worth mentioning here. I like to save this space for the guys I've already tired and failed. It helps with the healing process, I guess lol.

But this time I have a "how we met" story that, in my opinion, is worth telling.

Here goes:

I met him the first time about a month or two ago. He came into my job (Popeye's, I don't think I told you guys I work at Popeye's.. hopefully I get out of there VERY soon), but yes, he came into  my job. To make a long and not so interesting story short, we had a simple conversation while he waited, he made me laugh then he got his food and we both moved on.

He came in again earlier this week. Things didn't click at first but then I remembered who he was. More talking, more laughing, then he asked for my number. I was evasive. I said no without actually saying no and everyone walked away still smiling. I think I've become a master at turning guys down without seeming like a jerk. I think it's a skill that all girls need.

Anyway, he was pretty persistent. Persistence is like kryptonite when it comes to turning guys down so I told him that if we ever run into each other outside of my job, I'd give him my number. Little did I know, he lives in my apartment complex. So we ran into each other much faster than I ever thought we would.

As I was walking to my car today he was driving by and he saw me. He stopped and reversed to speak for a while. I gave him my number thinking, eh no biggie, if he turns out to be a lame I can easily ignore the calls if I want. Then he asked me my name. Now normally I'd be upset if he didn't remember my name but because of how we met we never had a formal greeting so names were never exchanged. I didn't know his either.

So I answered and didn't hold it against him. "My name is Desiree" I said before asking him his. Now when I tell people my name, or they read it, the response is always something to the effect of calling me "Desire" then I have to go through the motions of correcting them and explaining that my name has two e's and it's not desire because I am not a stripper..

His response was different though. He said "Desiree? Like Desiree's Baby" and I'll admit, he caught me off guard and sparked an interest that most guys never spark so quickly, if at all. His response didn't register for a second. Then I realized what he was saying to me and what this meant.

In case you don't know, Desiree's Baby is a short story written by Kate Chopin, the woman who wrote The Awakening which is one of my favorite books as far as old European lit goes. And the fact that the first thing he thinks after hearing my name is European literature says that he is my kind of guy. If the limited experience I've had with the opposite sex is the basis for any kind of judgment, I'll say this is rare. To find a guy who reads more than just information presented in 160 characters or less is not easy, especially in my age group. I'm curious to see where this one leads.

A guy with a book (or a nook) gets me every time lol (sn:this isn't him lol)

Giving him my number was a great idea, but then again it's been that kind of week. It only make sense that I'd meet a guy that could spark my interest this week. As I told my friend Keke yesterday, the only thing that could make this week better would be if I won the Lottery without playing lol..

G'nite folks, I'll keep you posted on what going on with this one.

Desiree, (Like Desiree's Baby)

iCook (sometimes)

Chicken with Penne pasta and a simple spinach salad

Chicken with Penne pasta and Spinach.

The pasta: I didn't want any thick tomato or alfredo sauce so instead I made a butter sauce with sauteed red bell peppers and onions. Topped with Feta cheese.

The spinach: I served them raw with a simple raspberry vinaigrette.

Chicken: No special technique here. Cook the chicken how you like. I seasoned it and cooked it on the stove with olive oil.

Try it yourself and enjoy. :)

-Desi

What do you keep calling for? It's over...

I remember when we "broke up".

I put that in quotes because we were never really dating, just "talking". Whatever that means. That is some phenomenon my generation created that never had any kind of definitive meaning. I think it was created to make a girl feel just special enough to stick around but still give the guy the freedom to mess with whoever he wants without technically cheating.

Anyhoo, I remember when we "broke up".

This is the guy that I mentioned a few blogs ago. The one guy that managed to get me to fall in love. When it all ended, it was a very dramatic situation. Lots of yelling involved. I will admit there was quite a bit of back and forth between us before I really decided to be done for real, and there was quite a bit of insecurity on my part while we were together.

I has been about one year and three months since we ended our "relationship" and I'm glad it's over.

There was a time when I cut off all communication. He lost his phone, thus losing my number. Then I deleted him off facebook, twitter, and skype. Then blocked him on all three so there would be no enabling through secret stalking. (lol) Sounds extreme, I know, but take my word for it. It was necessary and he deserved it.

A few months after all this I calmed down and although he was not allowed back in my world of social networking, we ran into eachother one day and I allowed him to have my number as an attempt to form a friendship.

Biggest mistake ever.

I really should have stuck with my first instinct because in the last few months I have had to deal with phone call after phone call after text message after phone call. Today we graduated to the next level: voice mails.

I just don't get it. I know I'm pretty cool and all but you have to know when to let go! I mean come on! We haven't even had a polite conversation in forever. He always had the ability to get under my skin, to piss me off and turn me into a bitchy version of myself that's barely recognizable.

I'm not bitter. I'm not angry. I would really like for him to just move on, like I have.

-Desi

Hey! You There!

So here I was, slaving away at this keyboard, well not slaving but still I need you to feel my intensity here. Here I was blogging at least once a week, and posting on facebook every single time hoping that someone would read what I had to say. All I could think was that my friend over at http://takcurligurl.blogspot.com/ was the only person reading because no matter what I wrote, she was the only one to comment!

Imagine an upset me wondering why no one was reading. Feeling like the most uninteresting person on the net because I couldn't even get my facebook friends to say anything, anything at all. Although I don't have the time to blog as often as I'd like to, I was trying to come up with more ideas, things that kept my blog new and interesting but still nothing. No comments.

Then, out of no where, people started bringing up things I only said in my blogs, they already knew the endings to stories I didn't tell them yet. And I got excited! Do you know what that means? That means that you all are reading!

And "they" say people don't read anymore? "They" have no idea what they're talking about. Maybe "they" are really the uninteresting one's and no one cares what "they" have to say...

I don't know, BUT what I do know is that I have readers!

I'd love to know who's reading. It would make me happy to know my audience and it would help me to write things you guys might care about. So here's what I need you to do: COMMENT! :) Let me know who you are. Tell me what you love. Tell me what you hate. Give me ideas. Ask me questions. Get to know me and let me get to know you. Or just simply stop in an say you're reading!


Yes I'm talking to you. YOU!

YOU! lol Ok I think you get it :)

Thanks

-Desi

Me? Fashionable? Why thank you!

I remember when I was younger. I was a middle schooler down in Miami when my mom let me pick out the pair of shoes I wanted, all on my own. Her advice was simple. "Get what you like."

Now I was about 12 at the time. At that age when my light up Sailor Moon LA Gears were no longer cool so if I wanted to be the talk of the town, or at least the talk of my homeroom class, I needed a major style upgrade. Something that said "watch out world, I'm not a little elementary school girl anymore!"

I remember going to Ross with my mom and looking through what seemed to be an endless section of shoes, I was a little overwhelmed. After years of having my mom choose clothes and shoes and just wearing what she gave me, this task seemed daunting. All I could think was "I am not a little kid anymore! I want the opposite of my LA Gears." Thinking color was synonymous with child-like, I opted for the blandest shoes of the bunch, a pair of plain white sneakers.

I wish I could say that I loved those shoes so much and I customized them and made them my own -- but that's not what happened. I think I wore them two or three times before I admitted defeat and went back to letting my mom get what she wanted for me.

I did try again over the years and i trusted myself a little more, although it took me a while before I started to trust outlandish color pallets.

I had years when I only wore jeans, years when I was interested in nothing but sneakers, years when I only painted my toes jet black and years when I thought rolling my flare jeans into capris was better than buying jeans that were already cut to capri length.

We'll just put it this way, It took me a while to really find my style.

Thankfully, I think I'm finally making some head way.

The common myth seems to be that skinny girls get all the breaks when it comes to shopping because everything just magically fits. Not True!

Where things are too tight and too small on you, they are ridiculously big on me, fitting like a burlap sack, and cleavage? What's that?

Us skinny girls have our struggles too!

I think in the last two years Ive really learned to find clothes that look good on my body type. (Thank God!)

I know you want some pictures! So let me stop talking and show you what I wore today.

Dress Ross Stores $8.99

Belt Wet Seal $9.99

Earrings Somewhere in NY (Gift :))

I wanna be a billionaire so friggin' bad.. but only if I'm doing what I love

So I've been thinking and I realize that I have no interest in working for someone else for the rest of my life. At this point all the work I do for other people is for the sole purpose of learning the business and doing things for myself later.

I've been talking to my best friend over at http://takcurligurl.blogspot.com/ and these conversations have really started to inspire me.

I don't know exactly how this will happen or what exactly I will be doing as I'm working for myself but the desire is there. It's not that I have a problem with authority or I have issues with being told what to do, and I know it would take quite a bit of work to make it happen. I just want to be able to create something, nurture it and watch it grow into some great.

I'm not ready for babies, and chia pets are lame so I figured I'd start a business lol

But seriously though!

Dear Chris Brown,

Chris Brown leaving Good Morning America- shirtless. Bad move.

 Picture Courtesy of TMZ

Dear Chris Brown,

I am writing this letter with deep concern for your career, and since your public relations team is obviously failing, I think it's beyond time for you to make some changes, or quit singing.

I'm not exactly sure what the problem is. Either your PR team is not doing what you pay them to do, or you are not listening!

Step one: Fire who ever you have doing that job and hire someone that is either better at the job or someone you fear enough to listen to.

Step two: Create a new plan, because clearly the one you have is NOT working.

I've been working as an unpaid intern all semester so working for free means nothing to me at this point. I just want to help you out. Here some advice.

You have to understand one thing. YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM HERE. If you want to talk to the press, you have to know that they will ask you about Rihanna. That's what fans are curious about and instead of throwing chairs through windows and looking like the crazy, hostile and angry person everyone thinks you are, here's how things should have gone:

(Reporter asks about Rihanna)

Your sample response: "It was an unfortunate situation. I'm really sorry to Rihanna and my fans and I hope everyone can forgive me for what I did." Talk about how your past effected you (abusive dad etc.). But dont go on forever. That would make you seem insincere. Talk about all the anger management classes and therapy you have been doing (and actually do it) because you know how horrible what you did was. Talk about how you never want to let your anger get to that point again. Say how happy you are for Rihanna's success. Congratulate her and apologize again.

When this all happened two years ago, people, even women, where on your side then you went crazy begging for fans, flipping out because you weren't instantly forgiven.

Saying that you have gotten past it, and that you dont want to talk about the past does not make us sympathize with you. You have to understand that time stands still in the land of fame and fortune. No one seems to age until one day they are old and problems ignored are problems remembered. Talk about Rihanna until we're tired of you apologizing. And not just in interviews, but on facebook, twitter, myspace (so the five people still on myspace can know too). Bring it up so much that we don't even want to talk about it anymore.

We don't know what happened that night and even if Rihanna had a gun to your head and you had to beat her up or die.. you will never be the victim in this. Stop looking for sympathy. You will never get it. Own up, say you're sorry, repeat it and mean it. Let us like you, please.


And I just have one more piece of advice, hire me, because I clearly have a better plan than your PR people.

Yours,
Desiree

PS. As far as the comparison to Charlie Sheen: That's like one murderer getting upset that another murderer got off. It's as simple as this: Shit Happens. That doesn't make what you did ok. Didn't you mother ever tell you life isn't fair?

10 Things I Hate About You

So I was just thinking about the movie, 10 Thing I hate About You, (you know the one with Julia Styles and Heath Ledger) and it made me think about this guy that plagues my mind when ever things get too quiet. Every now and then I forget why we're not together anymore and I must remind myself why we had no choice but to part ways.. SPOILER ALERT: this doesn't end like the movie where the thing she hates the most is that she doesn't hate him at all.. nope.. I definitely don't want this guy lol

This is simply therapeutic.. most of these are superficial and are by no means his worst traits and he definitely had some good ones too.. but this is about the not-so-good stuff lol

Here's why we could never work...

10. He was a dog person and I'm TERRIFIED of dogs. All dog of all shapes, sizes and breeds. I don't get used to them and while I may learn to tolerate them eventually it will never grow to like. He would want a dog eventually and I would have no part of it. It could never work.

9. He mixed up "to" and "too" in every text message. EVERY SINGLE TIME! I mean come on! Did he not notice that I used them correctly. Did he think I was using them wrong? It could never work.

8. He liked the movie Couple's Retreat.. I HATE that movie! It could never work.

7. He was a Taurus.. I don't really follow astrology much but I read up on our match and our demise was predicted.. Even the stars knew, it could never work.

6. He worked with me.. doesn't anymore (Thank God) Mixing business with pleasure is never a good idea.

5. He was an accounting major.. Boring.. No offense to the accountants out there but who dreams of working in a cubicle for the rest of their lives?

4. Spontaneous was NOT his middle name.. he had to know exactly what movie we were seeing before we left the house, what restaurant we were going to, what the weather would be like, what time things started, what time things ended... every single detail! and that is just for the few times I could actually get him to leave the house.. I'm not much of a planner.. I like to play things by ear.. It could never work.

3. He had his ears pierced and if my hands were cold, I couldn't touch him until they warmed up.. I put these together because they are both a turn off for the same reason.. they're both pretty gay.. and I am always cold and so are my hands.. It could never work.

2. He was afraid of random animals like lions and bears and sharks on Animal Planet as if he'd ever run into them in Tallahassee.. come on..

1. He didn't bring me any medicine when I was sick and he smoked.. IT COULD NEVER WORK!

So I cheated and squeezed 12 into this list of 10 but you get the point.. ;)

-Desi

The Hair

I like it, although I'd like it more if it took less time and hurt less lol..

Front

Top

Back

Hair salons = pain

So, as you all know I am in Jamaica. I have been here before and I remember getting my hair done for pretty cheap so I was thinking, 'Yes, I can get some twists here for less than half the price and on my dads dime, great!'...

Now, I am not huge in the weave game. I rarely put extensions in my hair at all, even braides, because although people always love it, I have an issue with getting compliments for something that is not truely me. (Which is why I also couldn't get myself to buy that "Miraculous" bra from Victoria's Secret either. I didnt want to walk around pretending to be a D-cup and attracting boob men only for them to find out I'm really a B.. false advertising isn't my thing lol)

But back to the point.

We got to the salon around 1 pm. No one touched my hair until about 3 pm. and the girl was rough! She yanked and pulled and jerked my beautiful curls around with this untra fine comb before blow drying it with the hottest blow dryer I have ever felt. I wanted to  rethink this whole "getting my hair done" thing.

The experience took forever and my and my hair were both exausted at the end of it all! At the end of the 10 hour ordeal, my hair looked great. However I have decided to swear off salons that are more concerned with hair looking good than feeling good..

Pictures are coming soon enough..

We, the women of the fatherless tribe, love differently...

I didn't get the chance to grow up with my dad. I grew up with an asshole for a step dad until he died and then it was a single parent home. I'm not bitter about my upbringing. I love me and how I turned out. I'm more independant than quite a few people my age, and I love that about myself. I don't even think about it most of the time, but today, it has been on my mind.

Like I said a few blogs ago, I'm staying at my dads house in Jamaica. My dad moved back to Jamaica at the very end of my eigth grade year and within a few months he started his "new family". Now I never had any high hopes of my parents getting together so I didn't care, but as I see my little brother and sister interact with my dad, I know that we will never have the relationship he will have with them.

There are no hard feelings between me and my dad. My childhood was just fine and he had a presence, I wasn't abandoned. He just wasn't there, living with me and having a say in everyday decisions. Even still, I dont even ask his opinion, I go over things with my mother, make a decision, then notify him.. That's just how it is.

I watched my little brother and sister throw around "I love you's" and run to him laughing and smiling with nothing but trust. I can't do that. It's strange to watch my dad, the man that was barely in my life and is still barely there now, it's hard to watch him be a good dad to them. My "I love you's" are few and calculated. I never want to say them because I dont want to feel obligated later. Sounds bad, I know. Please forgive me. This is how I view all relationships though. I only tell people I love them if I truely mean it and I think I'll mean it forever.

I dont look at all this as negative, just different. I have been in love, once, and he broke my heart. I survived, bounced back and screwed up massively with the next guy. I thought I cared more than I really did, and as a result gave more of myself than I should have, but I'm good now.

While I do love my family, I will admit, growing up without him ruined our relationship. I think there is a cap on how close we can get. There is just so much he doesn't know about me, and so much I'll probably never share. We, the women of the fatherless tribe, we love differently, we love carefully.

Everyting Irie... Jamaica: Day 2 recap/ Kids say the darnedest things haha

Day 2 is over now, and it was fun. I'm exausted but I didnt want to go to bed without letting you all know just how beautiful Jamaica is...

This picture looks like one of the backgrouds that come pre-programmed in computers. I wonder if I could sell this pic to Windows and bank off that.. anywho, we went to Mystic Mountains in Ocho Rios, it was beautiful, so much fun.

Me, adding to the beauty ;)

We all had a good time. They had a few rides but it was a pretty mellow day. We just took in the a lot of the sights and atmosphere. The pool area was a little small so I didnt get in the water so I guess that means no peeks at me in my bathing suit just yet lol but no worries they are coming!! My sister did get into the water though. She had a fun pretending to be a tourist and said some funny things today:

WHAT I LEARNED FOR MY LITTLE SISTER:

1. We shouldn't listen to Chris Brown even though he's coming out with new songs because he still beat up Rihanna.

2. Chris Brown did have a good reason to beat up Rihanna, she gave him AIDS.

3. Beyonce is demon possessed.

she might be on the right track with all this lol...

my dad.. and the little girl with all the answers :)

See you tomorrow,

-Desi

Jamaica: Day 2

So here I am in Jamaica for spring break! Day 1 was uneventful- maybe because it was raining but more likely because I slept for a total of about 10 hours in the 3 days before. I slept for about 13 hours last night and now I'm ready to do what spring breakers do!!.. Except with less alcohol lol.. I'm staying at my dad's house, can't be coming home all drunk.

As you know, or actually hopefully you dont, that means someone other that Tabitha or Shannon is reading my blog (exciting, welcome!), but I have a little bro and sister. My sister is 7 and she is talkative but it's ok. My little brother doesnt talk much. He's only 1 but he smiles at me pretty often espeically when I take pics of him. Pretty cool kids, I like 'em.



my little brother... picking his nose lol



my little sister.. smilin' and profilin'

I think today is going to be a beach day. I need some food first though.. we'll see what today brings and I'll share it all either later on or tomorrow. Time for food and some good ol' American TV:) more pics to come!

and one of my good friends Nerlande is coming tomorrow :)


-Desi (via a computer in Jamaica)

Jamaica!!! (Bucket List Item)

I'm working on my bucket list. The whole idea came about when I was reading an article in Clutch Magazine, which you should bookmark and read every Monday in my opinion. The article asked me if I would date me. The writer was talking about how she was still working on herself and how she still had a few flaws that made her less than the perfect mate. I do believe we should always be growing and changing so we will always feel less than perfect for the one we truly love. If we think we never need to make ourselves better for who we're with there's a problem in that relationship. but that's neither here nor there.

The thing that stuck out to me in her story was that she said that the list of experiences she wishes she had is miles longer than the list of experiences she has had. When I read than I had an "ah-ha" moment. (I've been having quite a few of those lately lol.)

So I say again, I've been working on my bucket list. Adding to it, and accomplishing things.

One of the goals was to travel more. I'm going to Jamaica on Saturday. Now I will admit I have been there before but with a tight budget, I grabbed the opportunity to go for spring break. Plus my family (dad, little sis and little bro) all live there, so I wanted to see them too.

I may revisit you all one more time before I go but most of the next few blogs will come from over seas :)

Good night and good travels

Desi

P.S. Make a bucket list, it's easier to accomplish things that are written down in front of you.

Little Athens Gyro, YUM

If you are reading this and you live in Tallahassee, and you have never tried Little Athens.. go try it now. RIGHT NOW (if they're open right now). It's on Tennessee and Dewey right next to McDonalds... DO NOT LET MCDONALDS DISTRACT YOU!! The real food is right across the parking lot! I had the Big Athens and fries with a little slice of baklava and I LOVED it. The guy who owns the place was a sweetheart :) He invited me to come back again and told me to make sure I eat in the next time lol I should have taken a pic of the tasty, tasty food... but I devoured it all before I thought to grab my camera lol. BUT no worries, you know I'm going back.

My (college) Bucket List

OMG! so I said I was going to blog at least once a week and I'm failing! And it's such a small goal.. I dont think I've been trying very hard BUT I'm back!

I've been thinking about all the things I want to accomplish in my life. All the things I'm working on now and all the things that are just a vague idea in the hallows of my mind. I want to work for a newspaper (for money! lol) somewhere other than Tally. (Although I do love the Democrat and I have the greatest editor ever who I think believes in my ability more than me sometimes). I want to work for Cosmo. I want to try my hand at broadcast, PR and advertising. I want to start a Youtube channel, I want to start a magazine. I want to live in NY I want to visit Cali. I want to.... do everything it seems.

Then I decided that the list is so long and convoluted that I needed to break it down into a smaller time frame. So here goes:

TEN THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I GRADUATE

(Both Professionally and Personally) (In the next year or year and half.. however long it takes me to get out of J School!)

10. I want to travel more. In and outside of America. Right now I'm only interested in going to places I've never been.

9. I want to get at least 100 professional clips. I want a job after I graduate.. Clips prove I can write. Proof that I can write leads to a job.. hopefully lol

8. I want to become a better photographer. I used to love it.. I want to get back into it again.

7. I want to have one serious relationship.. I used to be uber anti-relationship.. That is changing as I get older. I want to feel what it's like be in a real relationship where we both put the other first.

6. I want to move! I friggin' hate my apartment complex and plan to move the second my lease is up.

5. I want to write a song. I do the poetry thing a lot and I've always wanted to write a song. I'm going to do it in the next 18 (or so) months!

4. I want to fix my relationship with Jasmen Rogers.. She used to be a really good friend of mine. Then we moved in together. To make a long story short, our friendship ended with our lease.. We'll see if I can do this one... who knows.. (I doubt she will ever see this)

3. I want to get an internship at a major magazine. My teachers believe in my talent as a writer and so do I. It's time to make the people who can hire me see it too.

2. I want to be really good with Photoshop, Final Cut Pro, In Design, and all the other creative software out there. (It's a good skill to have, I think.)

1. I want to make this blog amazing. I want to learn better time management, and I want to get a new job! because Popeye's is NOT what's up..

.. and I want to get some sleep because its getting pretty late lol
thanks for reading.. We'll see if I meet all these goals.

Who is this girl, anyway?

I just wanted to do a quick intro about who I am, what I do and why in the world my blog is even worth reading anyway.

That's me in my not so clean kitchen :)

My name is Desi Stennett. I am somewhere between a junior and a senior in college, greatly anticipating graduation and hoping to get this amazing internship at Essence Magazine in New York this summer. I love to write, and I love to see my work in print.

I've tried this blogging thing quite a few times and failed each time (or not really failed, more like quit before I really got it off the ground).

I am 22 years old and I have been living in Fla. most of my life. I know that I don't want a traditional 9-to-5 where I'm stuck in a cubicle all day with a job title that says absolutely nothing about what I do for a living. I want a job that lets my creative juices flow. That lets me run wild and lets me produce things that I am proud of beyond words. I want a job that defines me, and since I know jobs like that aren't just going to be handed to me I'm trying to figure out exactly how in the world I can make that happen.

What can you expect form this blog?

I'm describing this as an "everything blog" there will be no niche topics, or limitations. I'm going to talk about any and everything that comes to mind, let you in on the what's going on in my life and let you grow with me.

I am a life long natural (talkin' about hair) so I'll be letting you know what I do to maintain that every now and then.

I am at the age where I'm finally finding my sense of style and self so you can read all about it and grow with me.

I have an opinion on everything and I have a million and one random interests. This is the place I'll share it all. The ups, the downs and everything in between. Join me on my journey. You're in for a great ride.

Wouldn't You Agree?

Is Interracial Dating Just a Black Girl's Problem

I thought about this question a while back and never really came up with an answer but every now and then it crosses my mind all over again and I cant help but wonder:

Is interracial dating only an issue black women to think about?

I'd like to consider myself a rational person. Honestly, the random white girl that the random black guy chooses to date does not plague my every thought in the middle of every day BUT when I see a black guy that has it together being honest and truthful and amazing to a white girl it does rub me the wrong for all of two seconds before I get over it.

I seriously hope you are not taking this the wrong way. I'm telling you how I feel (I'm speaking for myself, and anyone who may agree). When I see black men with white women, my mind jumps to thoughts like "you couldn't find a black girl to date" and I know that might sound bitter (maybe even a little racist) but its the truth and I'm not the only one thinking it.

Just to clarify, I am not hatin' on these white girls at all, and I love my black men regardless of who they date. The questioning is brief and the animosity does not run any deeper than the surface. I'm just sharing the black female view point. 

I do want to know one thing though..

Are white women bothered when they see black women with white men?

I mean, it's not unheard of.. I see lots of black girl dating white guys. Are white women walking around thinking that we're trying to steal all the "good white men" or is this an issue only black women deal with? Is this even an issue? or are we just getting carried away because we just so happen to see a few interracial couples here and there?